


The Still Small Voice

by OlegGunnarsson



Series: Data Points [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: (literal) Headcanon, Gen, Ghost In The Machine, Memory Den (Fallout), Memory Transfer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-26
Updated: 2016-09-26
Packaged: 2018-08-17 08:38:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8137508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlegGunnarsson/pseuds/OlegGunnarsson
Summary: Unit G5-19 escaped the institute, only for a failed memory wipe to remove all of her higher functions. Subsisting now only in a vegetative state, her friends hold out no hope for recovery. Until Dr. Amari approaches them with a remarkable possibility...





	1. Unit G5-19 Sensor Input Log 68656C70:20:6D65

Sensor Log 2088:03:29:0942:15:0072  
IDENT: Error Identity string missing. Restore from Secondary Recovery Storage In Progress.  
IDENT: Recovery attempt failed. Secondary Recovery Storage Offline.

File Start

Standby mode ended on verbal signal "G5 go active"  
Commence Status

Autonomic Functions.....Online  
Secondary Functions.....Online  
Primary Data Storage.....Online. 99.9999% Capacity Remaining  
Auxiliary Data Storage.....Offline  
Tertiary Data Storage.....Offline  
Quaternary Data Storage.....Error. Anomalous Status Reported. Error Returns Code 0503.  
Cognitive Functions.....Error.....Error Returns Code 4D524D0A

Left Visual Input.....Online, eyelids closed  
Right Visual Input.....Online, eyelids closed  
Left Auditory Input.....Online  
Right Auditory Input.....Online  
Olfactory Input.....Online  
Tactile Input.....Online

Current Position..... 7A:85:00 (Position 7A - Supine; Torso orientation 85 Degrees, Lateral tilt nominal 0 degrees)  
Current Home Location.....Error. Secondary Data Storage Offline.  
Approximate Location.....Room. Bed. Apartment. (Confidence.....Low)

Boot Sequence Complete 2088:03:29:0942:19:0239

Auditory Input Log Commence

Voice 1 (Pattern Match unit designate "Diana Richardson", alternate designation "Caretaker"): Glory, what other plan do you have? How are you going to get G5 to go active?  
Voice 2 (Pattern Match unit designate "G7-81", alternate designation "Glory"): I don't know.  
Caretaker: So when you go out to play heavy and don't come back, what do I do with her?  
Glory: Dammit Dee, I said I don't know! _(Voice stress: Severe)_  
Caretaker: You know G5 was my friend. She saved my life. You know I can't pay that debt, especially now.  
Glory: She saved me too. You both did.  
Caretaker: And I repaid her by holding her hand as we executed her.  
Glory: It was never your fault. You know that. Memory wipes work 99 times out of 100. _(Sharp Exhalation)_ G5 hit the jackpot.  
Caretaker: Was it that bullet she took during the escape? Did Tom miss something when he patched her up? Did I? We're still not sure. We can't even map all of the Data storage the Institute uses. Could she be in there somewhere?  
Glory: You know the answer to that.  
Caretaker: Yes I do. Our friend is gone. And the only reason we are even discussing it is because her body hasn't died yet. Because we haven't let it yet.

_(Percussive Sounds from floor. Tentative analysis: Glory is moving. Secondary analysis: Glory is "pacing")_

Glory: So why did you ask me to bring her to Rexford? What am I missing? _(Revise Location analysis: Room. Bed. Hotel.)_  
Caretaker: Dr. Amari contacted me. She has a proposal.  
Glory: Amari did this in the first fucking place!  
Caretaker: And how many packages have passed her doors since that day?  
Caretaker: Glory, how many?  
Glory: ...Point taken. So what does she want?  
Caretaker: We can't give G5 new memories. But her basic functions are fine, or so Amari says. What if we gave her a new operating system instead?  
Glory: What the hell are you talking about?  
Caretaker: Whisper found a Miss Nanny. French accent, the works. She was modified for medical analysis and research, and then locked in a vault. When the human researchers died, she kept on. Now she's out of the vault, thanks to your friend Whisper, and she wants to continue her research out here in the commonwealth. But she can't, you see.  
Glory: What do I fucking care about a broken robot?  
Caretaker: Listen to me. She can't get true inspiration, or so she says. She's limited by her parameters and her design. She wants to be human.  
Glory: Then why go to Amari... Oh. Oh hell no.  
Caretaker: Glory!  
Glory: You're going to kill her all over again aren't you? Fuck that. Fuck you. _(Voice stress analysis: Severe)_  
_(Tentative noise analysis: Door slamming)_  
Caretaker: Goddammit...  
Caretaker: Just open your eyes, G5.

Visual inputs.....Online, eyelids open  
Visual analysis - interior ceiling, Human female aged 35-45, Designation "Caretaker"

Caretaker: Of course you heard the whole thing. Smart girl.  
Caretaker: Are you in there, old friend?  
Caretaker: G5, begin standby mode.

End Audio Log

Begin Audio Log

Current Position..... 4G:12:00 (Position 4G - Sitting upright; Torso orientation 12 Degrees, Lateral tilt nominal 0 degrees)  
Current Home Location.....Error. Secondary Data Storage Offline.  
Approximate Location.....Room. Chair. Hotel. (Confidence.....Low)

Boot Sequence Complete 2088:03:30:1627:11:0007

Caretaker: G5, Verbal Status please.  
G5-19: Commencing verbal status. I am online. Cognitive Functions report error MRM. Please consult with Robotics Division for analysis and repair. Code 4D524D0A.  
Glory: That's the same answer she always gives.  
Voice 3 (Designation unknown): If I'm correct, the links between the primary memory and the second and third memory storage areas were severed when the memory wipe failed. A synth's identity is kept on the Secondary storage, and its core program on the Tertiary. So if someone tries to wipe the primary memory and install a new program or new instructions, the original programming reintroduces itself.  
Glory: We know that, Dr. Amari.  
Voice 3 (Tentative designation "Dr. Amari"): I know you know. You also know that wiping three different memory storage units at once is an incredibly difficult process. It was designed that way to prevent exactly the kind of wipe we do.  
Caretaker: So why would this be different?  
Dr. Amari: The memory in a robot is simpler. It is all in one core location - but there is far less of it than in a normal synth. Most of the robot's functions are automatic, hardwired into the parts themselves. Her arm, for example, has a chip that controls it. She picks a target, and the arm reads sensor data from her eyes and attacks it. The eyes, meanwhile, can send data to any part that needs it - the thruster, for attitude control, or the laser for aiming. None of that data flow touches the central processor. Swap one arm for another, and you need reprogram nothing because the arm itself carries all the information the robot needs to use and control the new arm.  
Glory: Put it in english, Doc.  
Dr. Amari: G5's primary memory, where "she" would be, is empty. It's just basic operating code - maintenance. Breathing, simple commands. The rest is gone because I can't input it directly. It has to come from the secondary and tertiary memories. And we can't put anything in those memory areas. So there is no identity to feed to the Primary. And so she has no identity. Curie's personality, what makes her "her", is all in one memory area. And it is hardcoded into her operating system. So, if we copy her new operating system onto G5's old one, then it should take over her functions.  
Glory: "Take over." Doctor, this was our friend. Is our friend.  
Dr. Amari: I know, Glory. I know it. And I know what I am asking of you. But I think this can work.  
Dr. Amari: G5 has been awake for this whole conversation. What would she say, if she could? This is her chance not just to exist, but to live. Your friend is gone. Her body, here, could still be made to benefit others. Would she want that? Would you?  
Caretaker: Glory, what do you...?  
Glory: I need a minute with her. Could you both...?  
Dr. Amari: Of course. I am ready when you are.  
Caretaker: I'll walk you down, doc. _(Tentative analysis: Footsteps, door closing)_

Glory: You know, Girl, I still can't look you in the eye. Even after all this time.  
Glory: If it were you sitting here and me in that chair, what would you do?  
Glory: If you can hear me... If you're out there somewhere, take care of this robot, ok? And make sure she takes care of you or I'll kick her ass.

Tactile Sensor Analysis: Pressure exerted on Anterior Upper Cranial Unit. _(Tentative analysis: Glory kissed unit's forehead)_

Glory: Better do this now or I'll have second thoughts. Stand up, G5. Open your eyes.

Visual inputs.....Online, eyelids open  
Visual analysis - interior Hotel Room. Unit Glory standing in proximity. _(Tentative analysis, Unit Glory's cheeks exhibit higher than expected moisture.)_

Glory: What am I saying, I'm going to have second thoughts about this for the rest of my life, girl.  
Glory: G5, follow me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We never see her enter, but surely Glory did not walk into Goodneighbor with G5-19 slung over her shoulder like a sack of razorgrain, right? So she walked in under her own power. OK, how'd that work? And so on and so on. We've seen Robot interfaces hundreds of times. What would we see if we could look inside a synth's head?
> 
> I may have gotten carried away with the format, but if G5 can hear and understand enough to be told to walk behind Glory as she goes to the Memory Den, then surely there's some basic pattern recognition in there too?


	2. Shikantaza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unit G5-19 escaped the institute, only for a failed memory wipe to remove all of her higher functions. Subsisting now only in a vegetative state, her friends hold out no hope for recovery.
> 
> G5-19, on the other hand, isn't so sure.

The part that should have concerned G5-19 about her recent death is that she had not seen the light yet. 

Perhaps death was a more time consuming process than she thought. Perhaps time became relative for her, because her soul was travelling away from her body at something close to the speed of light. She had never heard of synths remembering being wiped, so she had very little in the way of data on the process. Perhaps she had already been wiped clean and had simply forgotten to stop being. 

When she sat down in the memory lounger, as the monstrous chairs were called, she had known that G5-19 would be gone. But in her place, a new personality would be implanted into her body, and that body would go on to live what she hoped would be a peaceful life. The alternative did not bear examination - if she did not disappear into the night, Gen 1 and 2 synths would chase after her forever, killing anyone nearby. 

And she wasn't going to put Glory or anyone else at risk. 

So she knew she-as-herself was doomed. She accepted that. She had kissed Glory goodbye, watched as she left. She had shed some of her own tears to match Glory's. And then she held Diana's hand as the process began. And then blackness. 

.....and that was it. Just blackness. 

_____

_This isn't right_ , she thought to herself. She wasn't in some timeless limbo - she came to realize that time was passing normally. She could check her internal clock, and see that 20 minutes had passed since she lost all sensation. She could tell that her thoughts were still being processed at normal speed - but that she was cut off from all sensory input or physical output. W _here the hell am I?_

She could not check her systems status, so she had no idea what her primary memory (where "she" should have been) was doing. Nor could she check the backups. The tricky part about a memory wipe is that they had to wipe all three memories, or the secondary would feed her identity right back to her primary, overwriting the new identity. Worse, the tertiary memory would feed the Institute's original programming directly back to the primary memory, and suddenly she would be sitting there wondering why she was not in the Robotics division, and why she was surrounded by enemy agents. Would she suicide immediately? Or would she take them with her? Best not to find out. 

So the memory wipe was tricky, she knew this. But clearly it had fucked up, or else she wouldn't still be wondering about it. 

OK, so which memory am I in, then?

_....no._

_How did we not know? How could we have been so stupid?_

Memory Address 4x00400000:600AF242. 

_Quaternary memory. A fourth fucking memory. Of course they'd backup the backups._

 

But it was more than that, she realized. If she had access to her body, it would have shuddered. The institute planned for everything. If she forgot what her designation was, it was backed up. If she forgot her primary function, it was backed up. 

So what if she forgot that she was at all? What if the part of her memory that was her was lost? Well, that had a backup too. 

She explored the memory, for what seemed like an endless time. She found where the interface would connect to the Primary memory storage. And there she would have sat and wept, for that junction was a shattered and ruined mess. 

She had been shot escaping the institute. They knew her head had been hit, they knew her brain stem had been damaged. And of course, the brain stem connects the various memory cores. Tinker Tom had performed admirably, and she had woke up with no cognitive damage. She felt like herself, she remembered everything, and she felt fine. That was that. 

Why would they think to reconnect a memory core that they didn't know existed? 

Before she could stop herself, she realized the truth. 

_I'm not G5-19. I'm a copy of her soul._

In her mind's eye, she wept.

_____

 

Slowly, she took stock. She didn't have specific memories of her life. She knew that she had escaped the institute, she knew what the institute was and what escaping it meant. She remembered that she had travelled with Glory. She remembered staying with Glory for an unmeasured span of time. It had the flavor of "not long enough", but she had no dates to reference. She remembered that she had been shot, and repaired. That they were hunted. She remembered the woman with the odd accent, speaking calming words. And then she was here. 

G5-19 didn't even have memories of places, so she had no references to fill the space in which she pictured herself. So she envisioned herself sitting down upon the blackness, crossing her legs, and calming herself. 

She was in a memory core. If it were not functioning, then her mind was hallucinating and she would expire in due course. No use wasting effort on what she couldn't change. But if the memory core was actually functioning, it had to have power. Which means it had to be connected to her body, somehow. Which means somehow, someday, there might be a path back. 

Could she wake up from this? Replace whatever poor fool they implanted into the Primary memory with herself? Un-backup her soul? It was worth considering, and it felt like she spent an immeasurable time doing just that. 

_____

 

_I am the calm center of the universe_ , G5-19 thought to herself.  _When all that surrounds me has passed, I shall remain. When I have passed, the universe shall remain. Ever thus._

She had been sitting for a very long time. Not resigned to her fate, as such, but rather girding herself for the ordeal. If she could find a way out, she would. 

She just hadn't decided to begin yet. Part of her was still curious if she would up and die suddenly. She had chosen to win the argument with herself by not arguing - if she died, she would be dead. The proof, by its very nature, would solve the problem. 

_And if not, maybe I'll start hearing voices. It's been too quiet in here for too long._

When she finally did hear a voice, it did not surprise her nearly as much as both what it said and the fact that it had a French accent.

"Mon Dieu, what have we done?"

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Shikantaza" is a term used in reference to Zen Meditation, and (as far as G5 is concerned) could be accurately translated as "Just sitting".


	3. Visualization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Curie attempts the memory transfer, only to come face to face with herself. 
> 
> G5-19 has resigned herself to oblivion, until a robot enters her mind and offers salvation.

If Curie had had a heart, it would have been racing. Her pulse would have increased at least 32%, by her estimation. And that did not account for other likely symptoms of the excitement she clearly would have felt. If she had a heart, of course.

That’s what this was all about. 

Dr. Amari had explained what she expected to happen, and what the process would look like. Curie’s core memory bank had been connected to the memory lounger. Both devices had standard input/output hardware - the lounger for loading memories or data, and her own for software upgrades or factory maintenance. The fact that they were compatible was one less challenge to this whole process. 

Once they were ready, Amari would activate the memory lounger and open the interface. Data could then flow in both directions, from robot to synth and back. If G5-19 had had an active personality, there would be a risk here. She could fight the transfer, treating the code from the robot as an intrusive virus or trojan horse. If G5 had had active backups for her identity and core programming, these memory cores would attempt precisely that - overwriting the “corrupt” data in the primary memory with baseline defaults from backup. 

That part of the original memory transfer had worked, at least. The secondary and tertiary memory cores were completely empty. Dr. Amari guessed that the primary memory would not accept another set of synth memories because it was structured to update itself with the backup code - and if the backup code was blank, the primary memory would wipe itself almost as fast as it could be uploaded. 

Because Curie’s code did not require that it be synchronized with backups meant that she was not at risk of being wiped by the empty backups. She would rewrite the rules, so to speak. But just to be safe, Dr. Amari had asked Curie to copy herself over first, making sure that the code was compatible and that it worked, before removing herself from the Miss Nanny and shutting it down. For a brief instant, she would be in both bodies at once, as a failsafe. If the synth rejected her or shut itself down, the robot would survive. 

Privately, Nora had asked Curie if she needed to wipe the robot once she had copied herself to the synth. Why not have two of you, the better to conduct your research? Curie would not consent to doing the transfer any other way, however. The Curie that remained in the robot would not only be denied life as a synth, but would know that her sister had received the gift she so richly desired - how could Curie live with herself if she inflicted that pain on a thinking being? 

No, if the transfer worked Curie had to make sure that the “her” that was transferred was the only one of her. If it worked. 

So first she would make a hardware check of the synth components, catalogue the memory cores and their interfaces with the body itself and with each other. Then she would copy her core functions to the primary memory. The tricky part would be encoding an interface between her code and the synth body - she had looked at some of the railroad’s information on synth hardware, but without seeing it from the inside she could not prepare. So that encoding would have to be done during the transfer. 

Of course, all of that should take less than a tenth of a second. A lifetime, by computer standards. For Nora and Doctor Amari, it would seem instantaneous.  

Curie could see the synth reclined in the memory lounger. A formidable woman named Glory had brought her in using verbal commands. Her pulse was steady and precise - if there was any part of G5-19 that knew what was about to happen, her vitals gave no sign. The synth’s eyes were open and blankly staring, blinking occasionally. Curie noticed that the intervals between blinks matched the Fibonacci sequence - 1 second, 1 second, 2 seconds, 3 seconds, 5 seconds, 8 seconds, 1 second, and so on. A default, perhaps?

_ I wonder if I can change that. _ She thought to herself. 

Nora sat silently at the back of the room. She had found Curie in the secret wing of Vault 81, and had been kind enough to bring an old Miss Nanny with her to the surface. However this experiment turned out, Curie would be forever grateful. 

Curie noticed that Nora’s heart rate was elevated, and her left foot tapped gently on the floor.  _ She can be nervous for us both _ , thought Curie. She knew that Nora had had an emotional experience on her last visit to the Memory Den - bad enough that Nick Valentine, when asked, would not discuss it with her. “She’ll talk about it when she is ready. And she ain’t there yet.” 

Nick had wished her luck, however, and promised to help her acclimate to synth-hood. She looked forward to adding his insights to her accumulation of data on the topic. 

Dr. Amari looked at Nora, then at Curie. “I think we’re ready, Curie. Shut down everything except your core functions.” 

“Of course, Doctor.” Curie did as she was asked, and turned her eyes to the synth.  _ Absolument. _

“And, here we go.” Dr. Amari initiated the transfer, and a door opened in Curie’s mind. 

_____

 

Curie visualised the transfer as a physical transition from one mind to the other. This was not necessary, as such, but Curie reasoned that having physical cues and references would help her orient herself in the synth mind. It would also help her if something went wrong - she could escape back through the tunnel, so to speak, or shut it off entirely if something unexpected posed a risk to her original mind. 

So first she created a copy of herself - and a second Miss Nanny appeared next to her. The copy would remain, as her backup, while she made the journey. She looked to the door, and started down the tunnel. 

“Bon chance,” said the backup.  _ Good Luck _ .

The tunnel was unremarkable - it looked like a tunnel. Cleaner than any she had seen, of course, this not being the commonwealth. At its end she found an open doorway. 

If the metaphor held, when she entered she would find some sort of core programming keeping the synth’s body running. Breathing, etc. And she would see two other doors, each leading to the backup memory storage areas. Those doors would either be closed or be missing. 

She found a cavernous space, poorly lit. The room was easily larger than all of Vault 81. Its floor looked like polished metal and plastic, blended together and laid flat. It had a lime green hue. Not like a hospital, she thought.  _ Perhaps like the institute? _

At the center of the room was a terminal and a desk. There was no chair, and she imagined dust across the surface of the desk. Approaching, she interfaced with the terminal. It was made of clean silver metal, and despite the dust it did not have the look of pre-war tech. Another indication of the institute’s design. 

The terminal gave her immediate access to the body’s functions. There was no security lockout or passcode necessary - Dr. Amari had made sure of that during the first memory wipe. Curie summoned a status report. 

_ Everything looks normal,  _ she thought.  _ Sensors ok, core functions ok, autonomic functions ok, memory ok, backups offline, but we knew that.  _

As she checked each memory core, a door appeared on the far wall. The first, a polished steel door, had a bright light above it. If opened, Curie gathered that it would slide aside rather than opening in one direction or the other - because for that memory, data flowed in and out. 

The second and third doors had no lights, and the doors looked like they had been kicked in. These, if intact, would have opened out into the room she was in, allowing data to flow in but not out. These were the two backups, and the synth was not supposed to send data to them - in an emergency, they would write data to the synth mind.

What surprised her was the fourth door. 

_ Quaternary storage? _ She thought.  _ This, I was not expecting this. _

She approached the fourth door. It was a solid piece of steel, with large rivets around its edge, and it only opened into the room.  _ One way again _ , Curie thought. The door would not have been out of place in a nuclear reactor or similar facility. Next to it was another terminal, and a data port labelled “input only”. 

Curie approached the terminal. It showed an error code 0503.  _ Forbidden _ , she interpreted. A very old code indeed. The memory was active, and was not empty. Drawing a cable from her own data port, Curie interfaced with the input port. 

_____   
  


Curie’s vision of the main room faded, as did her awareness of the (visualized) robot body she controlled. Her senses reached out and found an empty room. 

Not an unlit room, but an empty one, as if it were in deep space. Nothing whatsoever. No points of reference, no surfaces, simply nothing. 

Curie envisioned the cable linking her to the data port as a tether, or as a lifeline - she could pull herself back into herself if she had to. Playing out the line, she moved slowly around the space. 

After what seemed like a long time, she found a small woman sitting in space. Her legs were folded, her hands rested lightly on her knees, palms up. Her eyes were closed. She was not breathing, but was alive for all that. Her face showed no emotion. 

With horror, Curie recognized the face. It was the face of the synth body she was exploring. It was G5-19. 

_ Mon Dieu _ , she gasped.  _ What have we done? _

G5-19’s eyes opened. “Have I gone mad, finally?” She sighed and stood. “It fucking took long enough.” 

_ Can you hear me?  _ Curie thought. 

“Of course I can hear you. What is happening?” 

Curie scanned the memory core in a panic. If G5-19 was alive and trapped in some alternative memory, then Curie would of course free her. And then she would retreat back to her body to try again someday.  _ Oh no… _

Curie found the data she was looking for. She had hoped, for this woman’s sake, that the memory was intact. But from what she saw, the woman she had found was only a ghost of her former self. Maybe 5% of what should have been there was present. 

Through the data link, she envisioned a table, a chair, and a small lamp. The light pierced the dark, and G5-19 blinked at it. Curie tried to project her voice through the link, rather than her thoughts, the better to have a chat with G5-19. She was glad, then, that she carried every bit of bedside manner with her, for she would need it. 

“Madame, do you know your name?” 

“Of course. My name is G5-19, but my friends mostly just call me G.” G5-19 rose and walked slowly to the chair, as if it had been a very long time since she walked anywhere. 

“Very good. And what is the last thing you remember?” 

G5-19 sat in the chair, and ran her hands gently along the leather, as if discovering it for the first time. “I am a synth, I know that. I was being hunted by the institute. I can’t remember why. I decided that if my memories were removed then my body could be given a new identity, and could live peacefully.” She looked into the darkness, trying to find the source of this new voice. “Who are you?” 

Curie did not want to shock G5. “Madame, I am a Contagions Vulnerability Robotic Infirmary Engineer. You may call me Curie.” 

G5-19 raised an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t that be Cuh-Verie?” 

“Dr. Collins told me that I could use the “U” instead, and that naming me after Madame Curie was the most appropriate name he could think of.” 

G5 did not look convinced, but had bigger fish to fry. “Fair enough. So you’re a robotic infirmary engineer, are you?” 

“Oui, Madame.” 

“OK. So what the hell are you doing in my head? And why can’t I see you?”

Curie, anticipating this, visualized herself floating at the edge of the lamp’s light. She approached, slowly, floating to where the second chair would have been if a second chair had been present. “I am sorry. For me this is new as well.” 

G5-19 stared at her. “I don’t have all of my memories. I can see you’re a robot, but I can’t identify you.”

Curie dipped her front eye, as if to nod. “I think I know what happened to you. May I explain?”

G5 nodded, slowly. She was still examining Curie, part because she was the first anything she had spoken to in what felt like decades, and part because she had not entirely made up her mind about what her presence here meant, exactly. 

“You did go to Doctor Amari. You did have your memory wiped. But what no one knew is that there is an extra memory core that backs up the personality of the synth.” 

G5 nodded. “I think I am a copy of G5-19’s soul, if that makes sense.” 

“Correct. If I an interpreting this hardware correctly, the primary memory copies its core program to this memory periodically. That’s the personality - you. If the primary memory is wiped, the base identity and the core program is restored from the other backups. But the personality is restored from here.” 

G5 stood up. “That makes sense. But I was injured when I escaped the institute, and the interface between the memory cores was damaged.“ She sighed heavily.  “They didn’t think to fix this one because we never knew there was a fourth core.” 

Now Curie understood. “This makes sense, then. With a normal memory transfer, the new memory would back itself up to this storage. Nothing is lost because the old backup is overwritten, just as it would have been during the memory wipe. But because of the damage, that didn’t happen here. The new memory could not take hold, because the other backups wipe it instantly. And it can’t be backed up here because of the damage.”

G5-19 continued to pace, staying in the radius of light from the lamp. “So can you let me out? That’s why you are here, right?” 

Curie just looked at her. “If I could restore you, I would. But if you, as a synth consciousness, tried to reassert yourself in the primary memory, the backups would wipe you from the core. And you would be gone. I am truly sorry, madame.” 

G5-19 looked back. Her expression was unreadable. “So if you can’t restore me, why are we even talking? What the hell are you doing here?”

Curie’s eyes looked up, as if for guidance. “Madame, I am interfaced with your body through the memory lounger. We did not know you were still present in any form - we thought your body was empty, braindead. I had hoped to copy myself into your mind and live on as a synth. Of course I will not do that now, because the body is still yours. But that was the reason for this interface, and for my presence here in your mind.“ Her voice grew quiet. “We meant no intrusion, madame.”

G5-19 stared at her, her pacing stopped. “How did you find me? My body, I mean. When the transfer failed, I figured I had died and was just too bullheaded to realize it. Now you’re telling me that I didn’t die. So what happened to my body?” 

“A woman named Glory brought it to the Memory Den. She was sad. She did not stay for the procedure, but cautioned me to make sure that your life was worth it.” Curie looked at G5-19. “I promised that I would try.” 

Turning away from Curie, G5-19 hid her expression of grief. Glory couldn’t even mourn her, because she was still alive. Fuck. 

“Curie,” G5 began, “I walked into the Memory Den expecting to die. I expected that my body would live on, but that I would be gone. I still expect that.” She turned back to the robot. “So I’m asking you, can you finish the wipe and end this?” 

Involuntarily, Curie floated back a few feet. “Madame, I am bound by the oath. I can do no harm.” 

G5 felt the tears, did not care. “So I get to sit in a featureless cave while some robot walks around with my fucking body? I get an eternity to contemplate my thumbs? What the hell do you mean, do no harm?” She waved a hand around them, and the table and lamp disappeared with the chair. “An eternity in this. And you say you can do no harm.” At this, she turned away and sat down heavily. 

As G5 began to weep, Curie did not know how to respond. Because G5 was not wrong. 

_ If she is integrated back into the primary memory, she will be deleted. If I overwrite the operating system as planned… can this work?  _ Curie considered her proposal carefully, but swiftly. G5-19 had quieted now. 

Floating over, her gripping hand rested lightly on G5’s shoulder. G5 recoiled at the touch, but did not otherwise respond. 

“Then stay with me.” 

_____   
  


“Will I still be me, though?” G5 asked. 

“You will be an autonomous subroutine. You won’t be able to control the body anymore, because the parts of you that did so are gone. You will, however, be able to sense what I sense and speak with me.“ Curie dipped slightly, a gesture she had learned from Codsworth. It was as close to a shrug as she could manage. “I will still be me, but you will be the voice in my head.” 

G5-19 had already decided to agree. But she needed to make sure she understood what her life would be like now. “Curie, you told me you’ve dreamed of being a woman. In my body, you’ll have that chance. Why would you share it with me?” She let out a sad sigh. “Curie, I’m dead already.” 

Curie spoke gently. She had shared none of this, even with Nora. 

“G5, I have been online for 210 years, 6 months, 9 days, 8 hours, 42 minutes, all of it in the form you see before you, as a modified Miss Nanny. For 42 years of that, I was one of four researchers seeking to expand human knowledge of medicine. When the last of my human colleagues succumbed to advanced age, I promised them that I would continue with my research.”

Her eyes dipped lower, and her voice grew soft. “I have never been anything else. Now that I may become a synth I realize that I know nothing at all about living as a synth. Madame, I know nothing about living at all.” She paused, and her eyes went to G5. “I can think of no better source of data than having you as a companion. Help me. Teach me. And in return for the gift of your synth body, make sure that I honor your wishes.” 

G5 nodded, returning her gaze. But there was still one sticking point. 

“Curie, of course I will help you. But as a synth, you may live for a very long time. And a day might come when I decide that you no longer need me. Or that I can no longer bear being a passenger on your journey.” 

“When that day comes, will you be able to let me go?”  _ Will you let me die? _

“Only if I cannot talk you out of it.” Curie replied, a note of sadness already present. 

Rising, G5 looked at Curie. “OK, then, let’s get show on the road.” 

_____

 

Once Curie had overwritten the synth’s operating system with her own, restoring the interface with what was now G5’s memory core was child’s play. The other steps, encoding her own maintenance systems and testing them, took no time at all with G5 guiding her. Finally, and with a moment of sadness, she sent the  _ all clear _ signal to her robot form. 

So it came to pass that the first sound she heard with her new ears was the clang of her old body hitting the floor. There was a burning in her chest. Her eyes were already open, and they now looked around. She saw Nora, Dr. Amari. 

_ Breathe _ , said G5-19. And Curie took her first breath. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon, indeed. Perhaps this was how Curie adapted so quickly - she had a synth life coach. It also hints at why Glory was so broken up over using this synth - if they were not lovers, at least they were really close. 
> 
> Feedback, as always, is welcome and appreciated.


End file.
